In the last year, I’ve spent more time in China than probably the past 2 decades combined. Some of this time was spent as a tourist and some as a Beijinger returning to my childhood home. Either way, I feel like I’ve gained a much deeper understanding and appreciation for my birth country.
I feel like China (and Chinese people in general) gets a bad rep in the travelsphere. A lot of people are either scared to go or have no interest in visiting at all. Traveling to China can be quite a culture shock. It can seem like such an advanced society and yet so socially backwards. I can even admit that a lot of aspects of China intimidate me.
Even after all my trips there, I’m still learning about this country and how I fit into it now as a kid grown up in America. Some of these lessons will apply to other travelers hoping to visit China as well, while some are more personal.
(And though they have nothing to do with the content, I’m also including a lot of random pictures from the time spent in China in the past year.)
at a Chinese New Years festival
Squat toilets are not as scary as I thought (but I still try to avoid them)
I’m the first to admit that I’m absolutely terrified of using squat toilets. When in China, literally my biggest fear is being out somewhere all day and having no choice but to use a public bathroom. I’ve been traumatized by childhood trips to China and having to use squats, where let’s just say, the flush mechanism didn’t seem to work and about 20 people have been in there before you.
I’ve successfully traveled for months around Southeast Asia without having to use one single squattie… so good that I almost put this fear out of my mind. It wasn’t until I came back to Beijing when I faced my first squat toilet in Asia. The truth is that they are still commonly in use here, even at newer establishments (at really Western places, you wouldn’t have to worry about this), and Chinese people still prefer them over western toilets.
But you know what? Since my previous trips, I think China has come a lonnnng way in bathroom cleanliness. Most I’ve had to use have been pretty clean, and it’s really not tooooo terrible. The unclean ones, though, is a different story and makes holding a full bladder seem like the better option.
And just so we’re clear, I still much prefer western. Once, we were out somewhere and the options were either (relatively clean) squats or a western toilet but with no door. Yep, I still went for the latter.
I’m not sure why every time I get on this subject, it becomes a huge rambling soliloquy, but okay moving on.
at the Great Wall, Simatai section
There is nothing else in the world like Chinese hospitality
I may be a bit biased, but I truly believe now that Chinese people are some of the most generous people in the world.
They are genuinely happy to show a visitor around, even if it’s really going out of the way for them, and will insist on paying for absolutely everything. This could be expected with family, but what about when it’s not family?
When D’s dad connected us with one of his friends (Charley) in Shanghai, we decided to meet up for a cup of coffee. We also met Tom, Charley’s best friend and a local Shanghainese.
When Tom heard that we were in town for a month, he immediately offered all sorts of help and even offered to take us around to some sites out of town. Even though he was a complete stranger just five minutes ago!
Of course we couldn’t ask him to do that, so he invited us to a weekend dim sum brunch, which we gladly accepted. Only we didn’t know that we were to meet his entire family! It was the best brunch with really good company and good conversation. And right before we left Shanghai, Tom invited us out again for a “send-off” dinner of hotpot. It really touches me when almost complete strangers put in this kind of effort to make a couple of travelers feel welcomed.
Shanghai looking at The Bund
mom and I in Beijing
Want service in restaurants? Then learn to be rude
Maybe I never noticed this before (or forgot), but I get a huge kick out of this one! I first noticed when my aunt and uncle took us out to eat, and whenever we needed something (more water, another plate, the bill, etc.), my uncle will yell “fu wu yuan!” really loud and someone will scurry over. This is literally yelling “waiter!”.
This is the one Chinese custom that I just can NOT get used to! I’m so used to trying to catch the waiter’s eye and giving a polite little wave to indicate that I need something. Ha! Good luck trying this in China! You’ll be sitting there for an eternity.
The waitstaff in China are not trained to occasionally come around to see if you need anything else, but are trained to respond to aggressive calls for service. But the America-raised in me just can not do this! So I always end up just sitting there forever, staring down a waiter until he happens to glance my direction.
Don’t worry, yelling for service like this is not considered rude in China. So practice your loud voice. :)
the tulip fields in the Beijing countryside
my auntie Yuanhui and I eating candied hawthorn fruit
I could probably live without social media
The government censorship means that all social media is blocked (China has their own versions of everything). So for 6 weeks, I stayed pretty disconnected from the rest of the world (except for blog reading!), and only occasionally accessed Facebook through a VPN to announce new posts (because… still gotta somewhat lamely self promote…).
And it was great!
I didn’t die when I couldn’t Instagram that perfect food spread or check Twitter for news. I haven’t been too active on social media for the past few months anyway, and honestly think it’s all kind of a big pain, so I really didn’t miss it. (Netflix and YouTube, however, I did miss.) But I guess I still like the option of having it, mainly to keep up with friends back home and to have something to scroll through when I’m bored.
Chaozhou bridge
Family is everything
Family is important here. In American culture, I find that it’s very much a “take care of yourself” kind of mentality. Kids are usually independent at 18 or after college, new parents take on the full responsibility of raising a baby, and the elderly are often consigned to nursing homes or retirement communities.
But in China, it’s common to rely on family members for help. Grandparents often sacrifice a relaxing retirement by helping care for the grand-kids while the parents are at work. It’s not uncommon for kids to be raised by grandparents (I was too!). And in turn, the children care for their parents when they get old. It’s also not uncommon for the elderly to live with their children.
Confession: I’ve always thought that I didn’t want kids. But being here in China, I see how nice it is to have your children be there for you in your old age. My aunt and uncle frequently come around to my grandma’s and are always just a phone call away if she ever needs anything. Even with my grandpa gone now, she’ll never be truly alone. I think it’s really nice. When I’m old, I don’t think I’d want to be alone with no loved ones. :P
my mom and I
family portrait with my grandpa the dragon
Mahjong is really fun and addictive
You guys, if you weren’t convinced that I’m turning into an old person in my last post, I have a new hobby to talk of. Yes, it’s mahjong, and yes, it’s really really fun.
I’ve always thought of mahjong to be an old people game. It’s quite common to see groups of retired folks at the park playing this game of tiles. But apparently, this is a great family game as well. Most families will gather together and play over the holidays. Recently, my aunt and uncle bought a fancy electronic mahjong table so we went over a few times to play. There were definitely days where I spent the entire day sitting at the table. I was hooked! Though probably because I kept on winning. ;)
my little neighborhood in Beijing
Even after all the places I’ve fallen in love with, I’m still a Chinese girl at heart
I’ve visited a fair share of cities around the world now and have fallen in love with many. But there will always be a special part of my heart reserved just for China. I still love Chinese food the best (I finally learned to make my favorite dishes!). I love the neighborhood parks and the sense of community. Hell, I even love mahjong now!
This past trip to China has been about getting back to my roots. It’s made me not only feel more connected to my culture, but also fall back in love with my birth city.
The thing with China is… the thing is that the people may seem loud and pushy, there may be spit on the sidewalks, and the public amenities may be seriously lacking… But you’ve gotta understand that this is a country that has only recently stabilised after a long history of political and social chaos, during which human rights are violated and food is scarce and so people had to become ultra-competitive to survive.
As a result, the country as a whole may seem uncivilised and the people rude, but I also see a country where family is prioritised above all, where the elderly is respected, where the sense of community is strong, and where there is genuine kindness in its people. And I hope you, as a visitor, can look past what you see on the surface and discover a beautiful country.
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Aww I really love this post. Such great (and super interesting) lessons! I don’t think I could yell at waiters in restaurants either. And I also had the same realization about having kids about a year ago… and for the same exact reason: wanting to surround myself with close family members when I’m older.
But most importantly, HOW did you get through Southeast Asia without using a single squat toilet?! I have already used my fair share in the past two months. Tell me your secrets!!!
Haha! I think it must be because we’re really boring travelers and don’t go to a lot of really rural/off the beaten path places. Mostly, we just walk around and eat, so we can always go back to the apartment to use the bathroom! And if I really must use the bathroom out, then either a mall or Starbucks will always have western toilets!
Seriously, I’ve always said I don’t want kids until now I see how nice it is to have them when you’re old. So perhaps I will change my mind still :).
Having visited China (albeit only for three weeks) I laughed and nodded along whilst reading this. I dread having to use squat toilets too (how you managed to avoid them in southeast Asia, I have no idea!) and would much rather use nature’s toilet (i.e outside) given the choice! I must admit that it did take a while getting used to the restaurant etiquette, the spitting in the streets and the locals constantly wanting to take your photograph (yeah, you obviously won’t know that one ;-)) but I did find China such a fascinating country and, like you say, Chinese people can be so generous and welcoming. A group of young students totally saved our bacon when we got completely and utterly lost in Beijing!
I’m glad you had a good impression of China and the people! I really think under the surface, it’s a great country if you put in the time to get to know it more apart from just visiting the sites. Hehe I heard that foreigners get asked to have their pictures taken constantly, and that it’s such an ego boost. I guess Chinese people are definitely not shy! And yep I hear you… I would rather just go in the bushes too sometimes than use an unclean squat toilet, lol.
some valuable lessons! My friends spent their honeymoon in China:)
I hope they enjoyed the time! I’m happy to hear that they chose China as their honeymoon destination! :)
Yes, they did!
Thank you for sharing this with us. It is so beautiful! China has been on my radar for a while, I think the history is so interesting and the food sounds so delicious. I just need to save tons of money for the visa and ticket and I’m there :)
I’m so glad you want to visit China, Isabel! It’s a wonderful country with a lot of history and yes the food is so good!!! I really hope you make it there someday. :)
I really want to go to the Great Wall!!! Your pics look beautiful!
The Great Wall is incredibly breathtaking to see in person! I hope you get to see it for yourself :).
I always enjoy reading your posts Anna because they are so real and I love that photo of your Beijing neighbourhood. Seeing what real “neighbourhood” streets look like is intriguing.
Thank you so much Jan! My grandparents’ neighborhood is old but has a lot of character and it seems like that almost everyone knows each other! I really love that because American neighborhoods seem so impersonal!
Beautiful post! What a great learning experience you’ve had, and certainly one you’ll never forget! When I first used squat toilets in India I was terrified too, but I adjusted to them and it became more normal… though not totally normal ;) I enjoyed reading what you thought about a lack of social media, I think we can all survive with a little less of it, and I think that’s more than good for us :D
I thought I’d be ready to get back to instagramming stuff, but I’m totally happy not bothering with social media still!
Oh gosh, I’d be so TERRIFIED to use squats in India. I feel like they’re probably even worse than in China! Of course that could just be the ignorance talking, but good for you for adjusting to it!
This post is so wonderfully honest in the sharing of your perspective Anna! I chuckled while reading about the difference in waiting service between the US and China haha. And squat toilets… I’ve never experienced these toilets before but it sounds like something I should try to avoid ;)
Thank you Setarra! Yes I just cannot get used to the waiting service in Chjna! Apparently it’s really hard for me to talk in a loud voice lol, and you really do have to shout at the waiters because most likely, they’re across the room. And yep, I’d avoid squats if possible. ;)
This is beautiful! I love the being rude part to get service because I certainly beliee that. :p
Thank you :). Hahaha it’s soooo awkward to yell at waiters like that, and I just cannot do it!
I find China quite fascinating because you don’t know too much about it. I have a Chinese colleague and I love talking to him about China. Although, I must admit, I was a little put off by his apparent sexism… it took him a while to start actually listening to us women at work (we’re an all women lab/office) and stop going to our boss (a man) to double check our answers, or to get the real answer.
I hope to get to China one day!
Oh no!! Unfortunately, I don’t have that much interaction with the people (except for family & friends), and especially not in a work setting, but I can bet that most people in China will not be like that! I hope he’s telling you fun stuff about China though, and I hope you’ll make it here someday! :)
Beautiful, Anna. I love your China posts because they are so much more authentic than some random tourist’s trip. I could never see myself visiting China (barely Asia in general, with the exception of Japan and all the sushi), but reading your posts make it feel so much more accessible and realistic. Thank you for being honest and vulnerable in your posts, it really makes the reading experience so much deeper!
Thanks so much Swags! Comments like yours make my day :). It’s okay, I don’t blame you for not wanting to visit China :P. I do feel like probably a lot of westerners will feel uncomfortable there, but it really is a wonderful country with a lot of really beautiful sites and delicious food! :)
I LOVE SQUAT TOILETS! I think of them a bit more hygienic than Western toilets because you don’t actually have to touch anything (assuming everyone aims for the hole in the ground LOL). Plus it’s easier to poop! Squat toilets are one of things I miss most about Asia! I also really really love Mahjong! It’s so addicting!!
LOL there’s this quote from Michael from The Office where he says that he wants like a thousand children because they’ll be forced to love him or something like that. It was hilarious, but yeah I agree. Putting my parents in a nursing home is not at all an option for me, and I hope that I’m as good to my children as my parents were to me so that they can take care of me as well.
I love the last paragraph. It really puts into perspective how the stereotype of Chinese people came to be. The history of Chinese is so fascinating and it really gives me a better understanding of Chinese resiliency. Great post!
Thanks Lauren!! :) Omg you’re the first person I’ve heard to actually prefer squat toilets LOL. Except for the local Chinese that is. Even if the toilet is clean, I feel like it’s really tiring to be squatting there haha! I would much rather hover over a western toilet (I don’t put my butt down on the seat!).
But yeah, I’ve seriously never wanted kids until I saw how nice it is to have them around in your old age. You’re such a good daughter! Your parents must be very proud, and I know you’re going to be a great parent too!
Wow I had no idea that in China it was still common to have squat toilets. I totally understand you not wanting to yell at the waiter I dont think I could do it either! One day I am definitely going to see the Great Wall of China and experience Chinese culture. Great photography and great post, thanks for sharing!
Thank you Shanna! Yep, all public bathrooms will have squats, and if it’s a more touristed place, it will have Western toilets as well, so you wouldn’t have to worry! The locals still all prefer squats though because they feel like it’s more hygienic. I hope you do get to China someday :). The Great Wall is really incredible to see in person – one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been!
hmmm… do you think the restaurant service thing carries over to Taiwan? because I can NEVER get anyone to visit my table without awkwardly waving my arms. I definitely still prefer western but squatty pottys are not as scary as I once thought. also I now own a mahjong set so we will have to play when you make it back over here :)
Haha! I don’t think it’ll be acceptable to yell for service in Taiwan! And omg yessss!! Mahjong!! :DD I hope you have a rules/points guide too. I know some basic ones but not all of it.
I really enjoyed this post, Anna :) Especially the last point. Chinese travelers also get a bad rap, especially in Europe. Especially especially in France. It was weird when I got there and had to face a bunch of stereotypes they had that didn’t exist in the US?? Hahaha
But oh my gosh, mahjong. I remember when we would have huge family-friend gatherings and at the end, you could always be sure that the grandparents would be sitting around a small, square table, playing mahjong.
I know! Even I feel so embarrassed for my country when I see groups of badly behaving Chinese tourists, and try to walk apart from them so no one thinks I’m part of the group haha. But it’s really not their fault. They just grew up during a really tumultuous time and weren’t taught any of that.
Do you know how to play mahjong too? It’s so fun!!! Haha. I got sooooo addicted to it once I learned!
HAHAH I DO THE SAME THING!! I was in Avignon when a bus dropped off a hoard and I sped to the other side of the courtyard hahaha.
I actually don’t know. I was never curious enough to learn. But I have a friend my age that KILLS every time she plays haha.
I’m with you on living without social media. I would love to escape from the temptations of social media (which is so hard to resist) and China definitely forces you to disappear from the face of earth (though I really just mean disappearing from facebook, but sometimes people equate disappearing from FB with disappearing from earth).
I got to admit toilet cleanliness is the one thing that keeps me from going to China more often than I hope. Plus horror stories of child abductions. But Chinese history and culture is something really worth learning more about and there is no better way to learn them than with a trip to China.
Disappearing from FB, Twitter, and Instagram was like disappearing from the face of earth! I swear my only social circle included the family contacts I had in Wechat haha.
I’m really really scared by toilet cleanliness in China too, but I have actually be very pleasantly surprised. Most places are really clean now, especially the tourist sites! I remember it didn’t used to be that way at all. But I am only talking about the bigger cities of course. I’m not sure about the countryside/smaller towns!
Oh god, the squat toilets. I had some pretty rough experiences when I was in Hangzhou or traveling around. The one at my college’s old building was like a canal. Some out in the countryside didn’t have doors or flushing mechanisms that I could see. And Korean waiters are the same! I could never get used to just yelling, “Here!” and waving them over. Just felt so awkward.
I never miss social media when I don’t have it. Now that I have a smartphone, I notice that I check it more, just for something to do. It’s really annoying.
I honestly don’t know how you got through Hangzhou with a canal toilet! I seriously don’t think I could do that. I’ve seen the ones that actually don’t flush before, and just the smell of them puts me off and I would rather hold my pee!
I’m surprised service is like that korean too! I thought it’d be more attentive for some reason, or that there are call buttons! Haha even with my smartphone, I still hate check/using social media. I just use my phone to play games, which is even more of a time waster, lol.
Haha, it was rough. Definitely used it as little as possible!
There are call buttons in the bigger restaurants, but we still had to yell in the smaller places. Korea’s so tech-savvy though that there are probably buttons everywhere by now!
I think it’s so cool that you’ve been able to spend so much time in China lately! And the lessons you learned are great :) yelling for service? mahjong? living without social media? and about family? it’s like that here in Peru! well, hospitality and family… families (mainly outside of Lima in the other parts of the country) are super welcoming and will do anything to help you feel comfortable and at home. and family is a huge deal… how the families live together under one roof and help with money needs and food and all that. It’s so refreshing to see family being SO important here, compared to the States. Although I’m not sure I would want my whole family under one roof ;) I’m really excited to visit China someday and experience the kindness and community (and hello, the FOOD!) you’ve mentioned!
Yeah! Sounds like Chinese and Peruvian culture has something in common! It’s not uncommon in China either to have a multi-generational family living all together, and everyone takes care of each other. I’m not sure I’d want that either, but I think it’s nice that family care for each other. And nice to have kids around in your old age! It is so different compared to the States, where everyone is just expected to care for themselves, which is good and bad I guess!
Nice trip Anna